Hello everyone!
I apologize for my long absence. I do promise to be back at my writing, which I know is also important to my grieving and my healing. In April I intended to post submissions from people that were impacted by Mark through his faith or recovery journey. Hopefully you were able to read the post of his impact on our marriage therapist, Shauna. I did not receive any additional submissions. I understand that everyone has lives, and I have worked through the emotions that have come with that. Grief is interesting in that way, I am constantly reminded that the daily grief I experience over the loss of Mark, the loss of our future together, and the loss of the person I used to be, is mine and mine alone. People might grieve, but they don't grieve in the endless ways that I do, and will continue to for the rest of my time on earth. That being said, its one of the many reasons I need to continue to write my blog! It helps me process my feelings, and it can serve as a connection to other widows and widowers going through this same unspeakable pain.
Unfortunately, most of what I am going through at this time has to be private. Eventually I might be able to share some of it, but right now I am unable to do so. What I can tell you is that I am working hard to be intentional about praying over my family and my household. I pray prayers of protection. I pray that the Lord would protect us, and comfort us. I pray that He would hold true to His promise that no weapon formed against me will prosper. I pray that He would work miracles in the hearts of my four beautiful, but grieving children. I pray that God would usher in peace over our home as we sleep. I know I serve a mighty and faithful God. I do not always understand every step of the plan He has for us, but I trust that He is always good.
Today my therapist talked to me about my window of tolerance, which has shrunk with the stress I have been under. She gave me homework to track all of the things that irritate me in the next two weeks. So if you are praying, please pray I don't run out of ink.
Unfortunately, most of what I am going through at this time has to be private. Eventually I might be able to share some of it, but right now I am unable to do so. What I can tell you is that I am working hard to be intentional about praying over my family and my household. I pray prayers of protection. I pray that the Lord would protect us, and comfort us. I pray that He would hold true to His promise that no weapon formed against me will prosper. I pray that He would work miracles in the hearts of my four beautiful, but grieving children. I pray that God would usher in peace over our home as we sleep. I know I serve a mighty and faithful God. I do not understand every detail of the plan He has for our lives, but I trust that He is always good.
Today my therapist talked to me about my window of tolerance, that is shrinking due to the immense level of stress I am under. She assigned me the task of tracking all of the things that irritate me over the next two weeks. Here is to hoping I don't run out of ink!
Please expect a Monday Mark Memory this coming Monday. If you are in need of an encouraging word today I will just leave you with this, it is advice from Samara. "Don't cry, Jesus will carry you all day."